May 22, 2008

I am not an absence of rib, nor am I clay
infused with anemos. I am not an emergent pattern
of patterns upon patterns

oscillating like harmonics…
or an intertextual meme; I do not,
like Prospero, raise storms by brushing
or clipping wings.

I am not the words or the thoughts
or the void, the emptiness; I am not Buddha’s neither this nor that,
nor the unbound, nor the probabilistic causeway that giants like Heisenberg

cast upon the waves they saw. I am not the sea of consciousness,
nor do I lack existence. I am not my name.
I am not a number.



May 22, 2008

I tell you to think of onion skins furling
or rainforests like faces. I tell you the heads of pins
swarm with angels, and we are everything
that is neither metal nor Elohim. I tell you the jewel of the dance
is a pearl that everyone is running on
and one must not slip.

You ask what is life’s substance, its shape? I say
quicksilver or sand, labyrinth or symphony.
This tapestry tangles smooth, weaves past anew
as present glances by. Storm and eye
or not I and form no new words please

for what we cannot describe;
such words labour breath into barbed wire.

I cannot hear myself,
I will not listen, I do not desire to grasp the philosopher’s stone
or the unifying theory of hearts.

I must take these words to the river;
the water will make them its own.

back from the ether

July 21, 2007

I am back, though I may be a mirage that only I can see. I have pinched myself and am still screaming.


Hey everyone. I’m currently without an internet connection which is why I haven’t been around on WordPress recently, but I haven’t forgotten you, or me, or anything else that is endless or otherwise. I will be back very soon and I miss you like patches of sky.

Must go, I’m at a friend’s and must be entertained by him. Seeya.


I wasn’t awarded ‘blog of the minute’. It is the first of April.

I lack a sense of humour, so I will just point out that somewhere, probably in sheltered accomodation, some poor blogger is slitting their wrists after the single ray of hope in their miserable existence has been blotted from the now-merciless face of their suffering. Not me, I hasten to add. I just had chips and then I wrote a poem.

I am easily pleased.



April 1, 2007

I’ve just been to see The 300, or 300 or whatever. Fascist and often weakly scripted but fun enough. Earlier I visited a monastery.

Apparently my little breath of ether has been appointed ‘blog of the minute’. Ignoring the possibility that this award is an attempt to cast aspersions on the stature of my readers, I am now basking in my brief soak of glory.

Thanks to whoever is responsible. I may get round to another poem this evening if I can quieten the inner voice screaming ‘SPAAARRRRTAAAAAAAANS’.


Apologies for the lack of fresh verse, I’ve been reading a lot of Buddhist stuff and wrestling with other people’s poetry. I was going to write a much longer entry, but apparently I have to go for a run. I do not run, as the person I am not running with will soon discover.


March 11, 2007

It must be time for another post. To be frank, I am a poet at heart, and I’ve been having too much fun writing poems to properly fulfill my blogging duties… anyway, you can all see that what I have mostly been doing is writing poems 😉 . For excellent and original blogging (and wonderful poetry), I do recommend PeterandTheHare, .

But tonight I went dancing, which is another of my passions, and it was so lovely I feel the need to tell you about it. Everyone was pretty; they played Belly’s The Last Splash and I wore my sparkly violet and magenta striped top, which is really a girl’s top but looks gorgeous on me, according to me.

On the way home I sang Alicia Keys, beautifully.




February 20, 2007

Last summer I went to one of the most interesting places in the known universe: Knossos.

Knossos is interesting not so much for the later legends the Myceneans wrapped around it, but for itself; the Minoans may well have been the first culture to produce ‘art for art’s sake’ i.e. for the sake of expression rather than for ritual purposes. Women had strong roles in society and, whilst the Minoans may have had a powerful navy, the ritual modifications made to the weapons shown in their artwork suggest that they weren’t a warlike race, or at least not amongst themselves. One of their favourite sports was bull-leaping, and the images they painted of this sport show lithe, joyful, naturalistic yet idealised representations of the human form.

Another thing they painted, contrasting with the more formal, martial style of the Myceneans who probably conquered them, is people smiling. They are always smiling. Now I know you can’t understand the past using the standards of the present, but hey, I’m going to hazard a guess that they were happy.

They made their money selling rare purple dye, later called Tyrian Purple, made from crushed Murex shells (odd little crustacean thingies). Now I suspect my grasp of history to be somewhat tenuous, so I’ll let you lot find your own sources and instead show you some of my pictures of the palace complex, as well as one lovely picture fragment from the museum at Heraklion; I’m not sure if the face sketch was part of the original and has been restored, or if it’s been projected based on minoan art style, but in any case it’s an evocative image.





unfortunate guides

February 18, 2007

The Unfortunate Guide To World of Angry Pixies (the popular massively multiplayer roleplaying game)

Upon logging into the game, you will be greeted with a character choice screen; this is where you make the decisions that will affect the class, race and appearence of your character.

Good starting races include the l33telves and the p0wnrangers, both classes have robust ‘that’s gay’ taunt point allocations, though only the elves have the pointy ears that give a +4 bonus in the useful can opening skill. With equal opportunities in mind, Noscocialskillsoft has created the disabled class of wheelchairmage; these characters fulfill a Charlies Angel type roll in battle, handing out tactics to the other classes – not recomended for beginners (a beginner at mmorpg’s is generally someone who is very young or has at some point spoken to a girl).


Pixie Maestrom is a good one, though after the spell’s duration ends it is only polite to other gamers to pick the fragments of pixie bone and flesh from the gaming environment (often scattered over the tops of trees, under rocks, in other players’ hair) before you resume your questing. Chavgoblinstealth is another stalwart spell, though it may be difficult to remain unnoticed if you have other Chavgoblinskills such as Special Brew Rage or Primal Inarticulacy activated. Play around with the options and find out what suits your playing style best.

Frequent Unfortunate Questions about World of Angrie Pixies:

Q: Where do I find the speckled mookie?

A: In the Thrushwood Everglades, near the mokie pit.

Q: What’s better, a level 2 mokie or level 7 mookie firestarter?

A: Depends on your class. If in doubt, go for the mokie every time.

Q: What’s the difference between a mokie and a mookie?

A: Even they can’t tell for sure.

Q: I lost quest item The Will To Live, can I recover it later in the game?

A: Don’t bank on it.

Q: Can a mookie breed with a manky?

A: That’s disgusting.

Q: How many mookies does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: You’re not taking this seriously, are you?

Q: Where are the furbies?

A: There are no furbies in this game.

The Unfortunate Guide to Maths

All numbers are imaginary

The Unfortunate Guide to Women

Women like a man with confidence, everyone knows that, but what you didn’t know is that women also like a man with a suit of armour. Chicks go for this every time.

Postscript: works best on Chicks From The Distant Past. I’m afraid I got a bit confused as I was researching this entry as the same time as the next one. Try a nice suit, or just nice clothes in general.

The Unfortunate Guide to Time Travel

Time travel, unlikely as it may sound, is actually extremely easy. We do it all the time – moving forwards at least. But to travel back in time… this is a bit trickier.

Though not by any means impossible.

Right, I’m afraid I’m going to have to get technical on you all of a sudden. Here’s my step by step guide to building a time machine:

1. Buy a microwave oven (they are available in some types of shop).

2. Hook it up to your primary node.

3. Fill a microwavable (no metal, remember!) container half full with dilute liquid Time. DO NOT USE Time in gel or powder form, as you will ruin the node for future use.

4. Add some bleach, some engine oil, and the phosporous heads of twenty matches.

5. Stir and place the resulting mixture inside the microwave.

6. Turn on the microwave.

7. Swallow 2000 Mythical Mushrooms and go to your room.

Some trial and error is required to succeed using this method, but if done correctly, you should wake up some time later in fourteenth century France. It is however possible that you will wake up somewhere else, or that you will not wake up.

See above for tips on scoring Chicks From The Distant Past.

The Unfortunate Guide to Mythical Mushrooms

I know of no such things.

The Unfortunate Guide to Shopping

Buy only essentials to gradually accumulate leftover money for luxuries.

The Unfortunate Guide to Goths

‘Death is cool, it’s like, way cooler than… fishing.’

‘I want to be a vampire, because I hate my reflection.’

‘Life is dying slowly.’

‘I’m so happy, I might cut myself while listening to EBM music in the dark.’

If you’ve heard any of your friends make statements like the ones above, it is possible that you have in your social circle at least one genuine Goth. Goths are timid creatures, often hiding behind a dense foliage of metal piercings and coming out only to say something nihilistic, but they can often be found in Goth Nightclubs, in graveyards, or at the bottom of stagnant ponds.

It is a little known fact that because of the Goth love of suicide, most Ghosts are in fact Goths. This is why Ghosts tend to be pale, and the oft mentioned rattling of ghostly chains is in fact caused by phantom body and facial piercings rubbing against each other.

The Unfortunate Guide to Ghosts

There are no such things as ghosts, but there often are.

The Unfortunate Guide to Dolphins

People think dolphins are intelligent, but actually they are only slightly more so than rocks. Most people mistake chirpiness for intelligence – sure, they like to play around, whistle, do somersaults, but so do cheerleaders, and cheerleaders are not generally regarded as intelligent. The other thing about dolphins is that they haven’t done a day’s work in their lives: they enjoy a wallmartesque abundance of variety and choice, and have no natural predators except sharks, which aren’t nearly as scary as they’re cracked up to be. Dolphins have no need of intelligence, instead they have developed chirpiness to combat the mind numbing dullness of their underwater existence. Think about going for a whole lifetime seeing nothing but sand and rocks and jellyfish. You’d need to be chirpy. But not intelligent. Anyway, now you know.

A sample Dolphin Conversaton:

Jolphin the Dolphin: Nice rock!

Rolphin the Dolphin: Yeah! Cool, isn’t it.

Jolphin: Hey!!! I’m going to that place with the cool water!

Rolphin: Cool. That’s so cool! I’m there man!

Jolphin: Let’s do this!!

Roplhin: I love you. I love water. Water is so cool.

Jolphin: I love you too man! Hey, there’s a boat!!!

Rolphin: Let’s swim with it and make some stupid noises!!!

Jolphin: That’s the coolest idea! I’m there man!!!